is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
he says he is going to get you very high and make you leave the country with him
possibly by boat
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
THIS IS AN AMERICAN HORROR STORY I CAN'T FIND MY VIBRATOR ANYWHERE WHICH MEANS I LOST IT WHEN I MOVED WHICH MEANS MY POOR VIBRATOR IS OUT THERE IN THE WORLD ALL ALONE RIGHT NOW WHAT AM I GOING TO DO
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
Stop trying to mix nacho cheese and sex. Guys don’t want hot cheese near their junk. Pick a better fetish
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