If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
guys are only as good as the porn they watch
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
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I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
The problem with Wednesday evening drinking is that no gets to my level. It's like like a one man party. But it's a goood party.
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
See,its just the last time this situation happened I ended up hiding in a closet on my birthday
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
So she was amazing, that's what. Idk if it was the blow or the blowjob, but both my heads are still tingling.
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
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