Ooooh. That's not a mole. Uncomfortable.
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
one of them held the wheel while the other one changed her pants. while driving. on the thruway. what
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
He turned me into a screamer. Guess I'm really not a lesbian.
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
I don't know if I'm having early flu symptoms, a miscarriage, or am badly hungover. Web md agrees.
Randomize
