why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
Be safe. If you have intercourse with a boy use so many condoms this his penis is no longer recognizable.
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
Randomize
