you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
I was just expressing concern for your pickle consumption.
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
All I'm saying is Europe has not been easy on my vagina.
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
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