You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
you can SEE the outline of a pad through her jeans. there is no way
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
I made a powerpoint to trip to.
you are so studious.
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
Randomize
