watching law and order svu marathons. all of the sex crimes cases start like my sat night.
As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
No. No. No. No one's allowed to fuck in the yurt.
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
If by some world ending natural disaster I get into an actual relationship with this kid, should I tell him the truth about the web of lies I've based our current relationship on?
How do you keep manipulating these men into helping you?
I'm a massage therapist with an oral fixation. It's not nearly as hard as you make it out to be.
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
He's throwing Skittles into my cleavage and some are rebounding into my crouch.
Well he's scoring either way then.
Randomize
