Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
I blew a .224 after sleeping for 6 hrs, cleary im a champion
Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
Ya well my good-girl image was pretty much blown when he found out I'm going to jail soon.
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
Randomize
