just got my goo swallowed for the first time. colors seem so much more vivid now, and more rainbows are outside
I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
I fatbooth all their pics then decide which one is the cutest even if they gained like 400 lbs and then proceed to fuck him.
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
The Blue Grotto manager called. He asked me for your name and number. Apparently, on reviewing the videotape he noticed you consumed a whole pizza by yourself. He indicated that he has a tshirt for you and wants to put your picture on his eating wall of fame. Apparently, you are the first such person to complete this incredible feat of eating. Congratulations to you!! I am so proud.
He slapped my ass and his clap-on light turned on.
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
Church parking lot, park bench, front porch. I think she's more comfortable going down on me in public. May have found the one.
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
i feel like a cleansing fire is the only way to purify the house
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
Randomize
