I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
Just found out Brianna Frost the Pornstar goes to my school. Makes that $35,000 tuition that more valuable.
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
Is it wrong I want to seduce my ex to prove the point to his current gf he's an ass?
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
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