Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
what is it with giant penises always finding me
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
The cop let us off with a warning because I had more Twitter followers than he did. The future is terrifying.
Dougie got over his pride nerves. Found him dancing on a float wearing nothing but rainbow boxers.
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?
Randomize
