i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
i think that after ALREADY drinking that much, the tube shots may have been a bad idea.. i mean afterall, i did wake up and find my cell phone IN the bonfire the next morning.
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
Not drinking until my bday. I know it's only a few days but it feels like when couples get celibate before the wedding and there's all that tension.
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