I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
I need some transition time from spring break.. can we day drink between classes this week?
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
Texas awaits me. And all the cocks that live there too.
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
My neighbor came out@4am in a pink nite gown n clotheslined a punk on a mo-ped w/her mop handle, then just walked back in her house like she just checked the mail. MILF 1 PUNK 0
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
Randomize
