if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
Michelle and I recorded her bunny humping it's little rubber black ball.
i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
I'm about to tackle a 10 year old off a sea doo
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
There's a naked man in my car right now.
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
Randomize
