Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
when I went into his room, he was sleeping on his stomach, almost as if to silently say, "you're not touching my dick tonight".
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
I was pretty sure he wouldn't be into me after I fucked his brother, and then his best friend, and yet, here I am doing lines off his stomach
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
Randomize
