...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
remind me not buy ky at kmart ever again. Had to get a manager to open the locked case. then he stood there and watched me look through the selection
I hate that ur telling me this.
Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
Sarah Palin just got hired for Fox News. Watch out Jersey Shore... there's a new drinking game in town
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
it was so good i reconsidered my staunch atheism
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
THEY'RE HAVING SEX ON A HORSE AND THE HORSE DOESN'T EVEN CARE.
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