aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
im pretty sure all they do is fuck. and talk in baby talk. its two babys fucking basically.
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
When you wake up on the bus on 139th but you're staying at 6th
133 to go
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
Randomize
