Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
Last two new years I ended in jail by 12. Can we wait until its actually 12:02 this time to do something stupid. I'd like to spend the first minute of 2012 free.. At least.
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
The economy cant be that bad, I willingly got fired to bang her again.
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
Randomize
