i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
but i got with him after midnight so its technically 2 days
What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one
Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
Randomize
