Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
he asked me to hangout with him...and his son
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
Well, I wish you luck on finding out who your boyfriend is
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
Oh yeah, nothing says welcome home like walking in on your parents having sex on your bed while the dog is watching, they told me to wait until they were done...
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
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