I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
The higher i get, the less gay he looks, and the more i want to make out with him. This is dangerous.
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
so he had an ashton kutcher Kelso haircurt. dude, we're in our mid to late 20s, I don't think we can ridicule guys for having hair anymore.
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
You're breaking my sexual little heart
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
I deserve this hangover.
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
Randomize
