I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
what is with people arguing over soda or pop? to be honest i thought it was just called chaser
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
The work outs are working. Someone just said my body type was “Tits On A Stick”.
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