As a matter of fact my bong is named Hulkamania brother
i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
Randomize
