take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
i mean, we fucked on the futon in the garage where his band practices. pretty sure im now obligated to like his band on facebook.
we ended up on her 9 year old brothers bed and he saw the whole thing.... now he will know how to use his equipment
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
Randomize
