Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
This sounds like "Sober" Ericka. Sorry that message wasn't for you. I only do business with "Fell off the wagon" Ericka. Please pass that message along to her.
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
Well u missed Autumn's newly 21 yrs old sister flashing her tits and standing on the bar last night.
I felt that there wouldn't be enough planB and forgiveness to go around
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
she walked through the crowd, completely naked, slapped a pool attendant in the face and stole the towel he was carrying. she used it to dry her hair.
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
Randomize
