Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
Your sister got a Brazilian yesterday. It looks great
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
I don't know if we can compare high school reunions anymore. The keg stands started before 7.
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
I have been drunk every time I've gone to mexico. I do not remember mexico.
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
Randomize
