every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
Does it still count as a "walk of shame" if it's only 1am?
All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
sometimes you have to go after what you want
true. and i really want to cum
yeah, we figured out that passing a joint between cars was a pretty bad idea
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
I may not have eyeballs after all the drunk naked people having sex outside.
The usual, im laying out. Ipod on shuffle, Large spray bottle to cool myself of and a smaller one filled with chilled vodka. I can spray the vodka right in my mouth without even opening my eyes. THIS IS LIVING....
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
You know you're sufficiently drunk when the 411 dude just says, "Fuck it! I'll Google that shit for you, what movie do you want to see?" and proceeds to give you showtimes for 3 different theatres.
Do you still have "be bumpin" written on your ass in glitter pen? Who brings a glitter pen to a bar? Or pulls there ass out for that matter...
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
Randomize
