The whole way homeyou were flapping your arms up and down, and when I asked why you said you were trying to tell Tony Danza about the angels.
I'm half bulimic - I binge but forget to purge
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
It would be like bopping for an apple with my penis but never winning an actual prize. The only thing I would get from it would be the joy from taking part but then regretting it forever more
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
Hold my feet while i lean out of the window of the truck.
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
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