I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
Random question, how's your gag reflex these days
You have more facebook pictures than most towns have people.
I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
He ended up letting us go, I think he just felt sorry for us. It's the only time that my night's gotten worse after I've taken my pants off.
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
These last 48 hours have just been about deleting my most recent snap story
party at the soccer house. crumbs in my sexy panties. can't. put. pieces. together.
Randomize
