brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
Oh come on. There's no way I was the only female choir student taking shots in the back room.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
Just streaked campus for a bottle of patron...maybe you're right...I might have a drinking problem...
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
Masturbated furiously for a half hour; ate a fistful of chocolate, then took a nap. Woke up and finished wrapping presents. I've got this holiday thing down.
only i would get off to receiving death threats online
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
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