He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
Dude I cant right now. Were talking about pickles.
Randomize
