you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
I found out during it when he said "my girlfriend never does this" so he's all to blame, I had no idea until half way through.
She asked the taxi driver to stop at the Texaco because she had to puke. She did then stumbled into the gas station and bought a 40.
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
Brownies hit. And just found beer. And the bill cosby show is on. And its in spanish.
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
I asked him to explain what he meant by "hooking up" in paragraph form
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
Randomize
