if only i could text you this smell
Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
All i've done since I got back to my room today is take a three hour nap. Like, I even planned to change my pants and haven't even done that yet.
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
He showed up in booty shorts and no shirt and said dont laugh dont ask questions and give me a fucking final and no one in class said anything we just sat there speehless
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
So, settle a debate for my housemates. Have you measured your dick. And how long. Results Will not be disclosed
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
Randomize
