wow. When I'm done with him he's going to have to pop his collar in necessity and not just douchery
guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
I woke up in a limo in long Island, Ny this morning. Talk about a black out
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
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