You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
Plus he is a pilot so I could give him flight dome
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
I probably would do him if given the chance but how awkward would Bible study be after that.
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
after that bj i gave him, i could fucking punch his mom and he wouldn't give a shit
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
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