she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
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