so... how was it???
he had bart simpson sheets. he had itunes on shuffle and "don't worry be happy" started playing when he took his boxers off. sad to say i was neither worried nor happy
How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
There are six slides. In going to pee in five of them. You have to guess which one to go down. Agree?
Agreed.
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
I couldn't drink enough to fuck the friend, you said challenge accepted and stole some chicks shot.
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
Hey now one little girl thought it was cool I was covered in blood. Apparently according to her Mom she wants to be a surgeon when she grows up
Do you think it's illegal to drive without your pants on?
Randomize
