Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
Rick Santorum just suspended his campaign. Lets celebrate by watching gay pornography together.
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
I LIKE NICE BOXERS OKAY!? COMBINED WITH A GLORIOUS DICK JUST MAKES THIS EVEN BETTER. WE MOVE IN TOGETHER AND THAT PIC'S GETTIN FUCKING FRAMED.
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
Randomize
