I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
Do you congratulate someone for having bigger tits, or is that a no no?
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
Dammit. the window insulation sheets are too small for my windows. Yet again I am disappointed by size
I didn’t want a minivan, but I have to admit it’s made it a lot easier to hook up with the dilfs at soccer tournaments
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