No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
I'm going to leave the fate of whether I go to my midterms up to my dealer hitting me up or not
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
Idk I've taught my 18 month old how to say nipple so kids aren't all bad
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
I miss the pre Covid days when we could meet men in bars. Hitting on guys in the grocery store is just depressing
Randomize
