There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
guess they didn't have any donuts in her size.
I just remember getting him back by licking the window on his truck.
kinda considering buying a life alert for sophmore year
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
Randomize
