I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
I slept in bed with them the night they met. I once peed on the bride. And now I get to give a speech at their wedding. Piece of cake.
Just did a line with lance bass. Only in NY
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
K, im gonna wait to get my dick pierced so we can do it as a family function.
Girl, we were harassing people from the top of a building. I don't know how I got down, but I'm eating chocolate cake in my kitchen. Sall good yo.
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
I only know one person in my class and that's my dealer.
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
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