I am going to fall madly in love with a ginger, marry the ginger and have lil ginger children running all around town. Oy
You shut your mouth
i kno its fucked up..but id rather sleep it off than seek medical attention right now
We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
You're right. Cause really... I'm in the back of his head. Even though what I said was better than "I have herpes"... I did once say that to him. So I'm like a reoccurring nightmare.
Randomize
