I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
too bad you live with your parents still
hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
Lets just say that a certain piercing set off certain alarms when I went thru the airport detector/scanner thingie. David was high fived like 12 times.
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
I hate csi yet I find myself watching a full marathon. I am also eating hotdog buns stuffed with barbecue chips and they are quite tasty
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
Randomize
