we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
I really couldn't tell if she was disgusted with the fact that I yacked on her shoes, or if she was about to do the same to me.
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
How did I get up here...did jesus lift me up
Randomize
