FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
Operation Purity has been aborted
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
thats the 2nd threesome ive been accused of this week
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
Happiness for him is a different happiness than you can supply cuz you have life standards, morals and goals that dont include the bar or beer everynight.
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
I swear some just paged for more cock rings over the intercom.
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
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