is it wrong that I prefer my women with low self esteem and a smidgen of an eating disorder?
oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year
He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
in spanish class. the girl next to me asked what Galapagos were. i told her they were islands. now she thinks Galapagos means islands in spanish
I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
Randomize
