He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
When I ask you to make sure no ones coming while I'm changing.. The logical friend would keep watch. But you my, best friend come stand in front of me and flash everybody.
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
These kids are nice. Shrooms make everything so nice.
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
this is the second night in a row i've fucked a guy i met on craigslist. and it wasn't even a post for sex. i posted a housing ad. A HOUSING AD
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