We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
You're not required to sleep with every guy that spends $10 on you.
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
I just put my hair into this ponytail & it looks hideous & really cool at the same time. I am dedicating it to the hangover I have
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
Is there an "I fucked your brother" emoji?
Randomize
