All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
How bad was it?
You ran around telling everyone that you were going to click them to death on google earth
I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
I've never seen a guy eye-fuck someone so hard in my entire life. I thought he would develop laser vision, bore holes into your body, and not even realize your innards would be spilling everywhere. That's how bad it was.
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
Mom said it is up to us to plan Thanksgiving. Hooters or Scores?
Or???
You don't know the capacity of my vagina
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
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