goodnight i made you a song goodbye
dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
Give me one reason I shouldn't put the phrase "sex emotions" into my essay.
No.
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
He made me come so hard I punched another hole in the wall mid orgasm.
I'm not fixing this one for you. Do it your own damn self.
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
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