Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
Whats a good hint for stop bitching im gonna give you head
pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
CURRENTLY PLAYING FLIP CUP WITH A WORLD SERIES CHAMPION
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
Randomize
