It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
I understand why they say don't drink the water in Mexico... I just saw 5 guys piss upstream of where the bar tender went to get the water
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
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