in spanish class. the girl next to me asked what Galapagos were. i told her they were islands. now she thinks Galapagos means islands in spanish
the dr. explained that the first big patch is called a herald patch since it's biggest. So his name is Harold the Patch.
Wow. You named your rash.
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
I'm sorry you're hurting. Would a picture or my erect penis help?
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
Randomize
