In America we eat man semen.
we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
He texted back and said he would hook up if he didn't have a test at 8am. It's really hard to be annoyed by how good of a student he is.
Yeah that sucks. That's why I stick to deadbeat sports management majors.
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
I'm not sure. But a mason jar of drug free urine just as soon as anyone can would be so awesome.
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
I STUDIED GEOGRAPHY I KNOW THIS SHIT!! DON'T YOU DARE QUESTION MY AUTHORITY ON GLACIAL DEPOSITION AGAIN BITCH!!
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