i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
Best ethics paper a stoner could write. I called my professor Dr. Superfly Arandia. And I'm pretty sure I used "respect the hustle" somewhere in there too.
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
Im wearing black today mourning the orgasm i couldn't get this morning :(
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
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