I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
My econ prof just gave me a shot glass because I was the "randomly picked" winner of the lecture. Ties into our supply and demand lecture, supplied with a shot glass, demand a thirsty thursday
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
HOW DO I ALWAS FIND THEM?! THERE WAS BE A SOCIETY OF SMALL PENISED MEN AND I MUST BELONG TO IT!
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
Randomize
