Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
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