one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
I have before 2 am pics and after 2am pics, which do you want to see first?
I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
I think the "tmi" ship sailed a long time ago, and it took our dignities with it..
Random question: Have you ever woken up and were suprised to not have a penis?
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
So...#1 on my TO DO list for college is to fuck someone somewhere in the stadium during the homecoming game...you down?
Randomize
