he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
I woke up with a russian doll attached to my necklace and a post-it note with "keep babushka safe" written on it. Fuck vodka
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
Everyone was in the walk-in getting high, and I had to be all cool. Serving soup and salads. Night manager status doesn't pay enough.
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
I just want a boyfriend who will have sex to Disney Pandora.
apparently when we were gone the parents play strip connect 4
decided to jump from one of the levels of the Westin chicago Nortghwest. it was worth the broken legs.
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
Randomize
