I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
He's a fan of Alicia Keys on Facebook. It doesn't NEED to say 'interested in men'.
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
You know Sunday Funday was a success when 'puke and rally' came at lunchtime on Monday.
Shriek
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
I'd still fuck that
You'd fuck a dead moose
Quite possible
Randomize
