Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
Mission get my tooth back and find a new dick to ride starts after i sleep for the first time in 2 days.
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
I sold weed for gas money to get home. I thought that's what college was for.
Come my child we shall walk thru the pasture of amazing sex and corndogs. Hint:some corndogs are not corndogs.
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
Eating chips and sending nudes. This is my life.
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
Randomize