I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
threw up in my backpack again. Asian guy I cheat from wasn't pleased.
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
Dude get over here. Steven brought super soakers filled with colored vodka.
you don't need to worry about using proper grammar if you're asking for the size of his dick.
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
Randomize
