i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
I don't know whether to laugh it off or be pissed at him..I got pulled over this morning leaving his place and the officer thought my hickeys were hand prints around my neck and asked if I needed to be escorted out of town.
Im so glad I make morally wrong decisions. It's like the best worst thing I've ever done.
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
If everyone felt the happiness from apple crown royal we would be in a better place
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
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