Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
i was concerned for your health after you took your "last shot" four times...
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
He keeps bees of course he's weird
Thanksgiving day drinking ended up with me in a shopping cart screaming where are the bitches and condoms. I'd say it went well.
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
Randomize
