You made me cry and you don't even care
I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
Houston, we have a blender
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
I feel like every picture I upload of him on facebook where you can see his purity ring, I should make the caption "something in this picture does not belong"
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
He yanked my breathe right strip off in the middle of me riding him.
Cover your peen. We're going out.
Randomize
