If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
He uses pillows to masturbate.
she was a 2....and a legitimate 2. like, helen keller is a 1, this girl...2.
I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
whose parrot is this?
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
Update - might be back in your neighbor's good graces. She liked the framed photo I gave her of me on the tractor with my business out.
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
Randomize
